I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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