i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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