Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
