New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
