We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
