you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
