is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
