dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
