I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
