I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
My penis needs a shock collar
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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