the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
