he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
