There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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