I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
