Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
