He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
