Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
