Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
