Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
how do flat chested girls get laid?
We just shotgunned beers for America
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize