I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
