Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
