oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
