what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
