He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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