Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize