Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
