Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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