if you like me you must not know who I am
I can text with my tongue
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
