I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
