People in love make me want to vomit
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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