You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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