I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
