if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
