I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Swine flu is the new snow day.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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