And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
