Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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