Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
