I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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