so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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