whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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