Please, let me fuck your mom
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
