i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
