thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
