so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
