Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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