I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i love accidental penises.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
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