lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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