So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
