it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
