im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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