You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
