Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
