Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
No stitches, just platelets and will power
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
