everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
