What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
