I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Welp...herpes.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
