I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
