the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
so much tequila, so little girl.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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