he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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