$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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