if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
and you fell through a lawn chair
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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