Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
