is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
