exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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