Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
the raccoons are back...
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