I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
