I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize