yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Randomize
