honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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