I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
