Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Randomize
