I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
