Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I pour the whiskey from now on
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
