And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
