i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize