Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
