Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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