My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
