I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
