I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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