Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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