Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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