I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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