Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
