Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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