btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
