Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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