She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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