There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
