I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize