I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
