walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
