she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
