if i can run in heels then i can drive
Can Purell be used as lube?
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
