I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Someone shit on the floor
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
