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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
