2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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