You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
