jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize