I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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