So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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