Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
