Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
