I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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