I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
