I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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