Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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