I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
