nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
