Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
