Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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