YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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