He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
