Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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