nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize