it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Randomize
